I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
