after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
