He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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