its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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