i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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