My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Randomize
