Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
