Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
