Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
