apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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