i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
