this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
