I think I died a long time ago.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
