If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
When did we convert life to cartoon?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
