dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
