I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
My breasts were aching with rage.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
