Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
