he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
