She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
