i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Just cropdusted the office
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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