My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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