I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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