You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
