I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
