Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
