I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
