Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
