I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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