quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
