Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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