My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
