is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
