And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
