Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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