She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
