Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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