You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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