listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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