I smell stomach acid.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
So squirting runs in the family.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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