you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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