She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
