I must be too annoying 4 u.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
