someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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