we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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