After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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