Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
just found out that she named her cat after me.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
