I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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