help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
