Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
