Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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