Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
