i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Randomize
