This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
