So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
